I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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