so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
