how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
