Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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