he puts the penis in happiness.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
