Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
