We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
