am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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