I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
