i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
