i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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