I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
