who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
