Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
