I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
