If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
