dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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