you didnt know i had herpes?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
