Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize