Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
