you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
