Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
