5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
