I skipped work to stalk him.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
