so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
