i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
