i'm signing you up for texting rehab
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
