Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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