just come out here and I will go home with you...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
