You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
