Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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