3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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