I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
