He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Someone signed my nipple.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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