I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you made out with another girl for some wings
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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