ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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