So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
