Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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