just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
