i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
