When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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