You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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