a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
