Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
