you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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