At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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