We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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