A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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