Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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