I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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