Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
