How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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