Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
