careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
