My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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