My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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