there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
