..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
