I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
