im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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