i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you made out with another girl for some wings
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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