It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
