The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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