Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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