I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
