I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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