Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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