She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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