8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
