She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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