I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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