Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I need water and some morals
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
