Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
