She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize