Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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