that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
